May 15, 2008

People you meet in the gym

It doesn't matter if you go to the gym in California or China, you end up meeting the same dysfunctional personalities. Same malfunctions, different names. Take a look.

Mr. Sweaty Smith / 楚汉先生 (出汗先生)
The guy who sweats all over the equipment and doesn't wipe it off.

Mr. Lazy Lewis / 蓝舵先生 (懒惰先生)
The guy who takes long rests between sets on the squat rack, on the leg extension machine, on the ab machine, or any other piece of equipment he feels like. It seems like Mr. Lewis can pick the specific piece of equipment you plan to use next to lounge about on for as long as possible.

Mr. P. / 撒尿狂先生
The guy who takes a pee in the shower because he's too lazy to walk over to the urinal. Remember this Seinfeld dialog?
ELAINE: Why couldn't you just wait?
GEORGE: I was there! I saw a drain!
ELAINE: Since when is a drain a toilet?!
GEORGE: It's all pipes! What's the difference?!
ELAINE: Different pipes go to different places! You're gonna mix 'em up!
GEORGE: I'll call a plumber right now! (Goes for the phone.)
JERRY: Alright, can we just drop all the pee-pipe stuff here?
Mr. Pubic Blow Dryer / 电吹风毛狂先生
The Chinese guy that uses the blow dryer to carefully dry all of his nether-bits in full view of the other men in the changing room. To be honest, I never met this guy in California, but I've seen many, many of them in the gym locker room in China.

Mr. Grunt / 陆先生 (咕噜先生)
The guy that must shout and grunt during each and every repetition, regardless of the weight involved. He wants everyone in the gym to know how hard he's working.

Mr. Unracked Weights / 拒绝把铃片放回原处先生
The guy that thinks his mother, wife, or maid works at the gym and is going to return the weights and other equipment to their original place. He's done using them and can't be bothered to put things back in their original location so other gym members don't have to look around for them.

Mr. Stinky Pits / 臭杰伦
The guy who must select the treadmill right next to the one you're using, and then works up a sweat like a pig, thereby releasing all the odor particles trapped in his pores. Some people need to shower both before and after they work out, which Mr. Pits doesn't realize. I met this guy a lot more in California. Must be all the animal style In-N-Out Burgers. (By the way, I can't figure out why Jay Chou chooses to transliterate his surname as "Chou", which means "stinky", rather than "Zhou", the standard way of transliterating his surname, 周).

Ms. Pants Suit and High Heels / 长裤西服装高跟鞋女士
Yes, there are actually some females that come to the gym and walk on the treadmill (at very slow speeds) and do some Nautilus exercises (with very low weights). They look like they just came out of a board meeting, and they never break a sweat. Again, this is a phenomenon I've seen only in China.

Mr. Dumbbell Collector / 收集哑铃狂先生
This reclusive character only appears once and a while. He likes to sit on a bench or chair and have at least three sets of dumbbells spread out on the floor before him. Apparently he does shoulder presses with one set, and then moves on to another set. I think he's the gym equivalent of a male peacock, trying to attract female gym patrons with his spectacular tail.


Anonymous Filip said...

I've seen guys drying themselves with hair dryer in a gym in ireland, i think they even were asians it was wierd but i've found that way that it is very comfortable to dry your feet with hair dyer

10:41 AM  
Blogger Eric said...

I find a towel to be much more efficient than using the hair dryer. I'm still not sure why some people are using electric hair dryers for their whole bodies.

7:46 PM  

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